Mona used to work as a manager with the Swedish NHS. She was kind, warm, competitive, impulsive and innovative. Over the last few years her alcohol dependence had caused serious problems and she was now eager to try hypnotherapy. She had been treated with antidepressants, and drugs counteracting alcohol dependence. Support had been given through AA and supportive talking therapies.
Mona always felt let down by her mother who was unable to really care for her daughter. Her father was described as cold and sexually intimidating. Mona’s relationship with him had always been tense. She was unable to comprehend why she always felt like “letting people down”. Mona had a sense of not doing enough. She had a strong inner drive to receive attention and gratification for a continuous almost compulsive behaviour to do more. It was almost never enough. Of course this was somehow related to her parents, where she as a young girl wanted her mother’s love and her father’s attention.
Deep within herself she always felt suspicious about the true intentions of those males that had been her lovers or partners. She wanted love, but when it came too close, it almost burnt her and she had to retreat into her own reclusive state. Despite all that she was a wonderful woman, yet she never felt true happiness.
Mona found it easy to relax and glide into a state of complete calmness. Suddenly her breath became irregular. She started moving her body and she felt extremely anxious and uneasy.
“What is it that you see?”
“I’m an Indian. I’m a Chief. Ohhh…I have failed! They are all dead! It was a massacre and I have failed. It’s my duty to protect and help them, and I failed…..”
I helped her to find the timeline.
“Who committed all these atrocities?”
“They were soldiers on horses. They are dressed in blue overcoats. They have killed everyone…they scalped them! I see some soldiers standing further away. They are laughing.“
“How many have survived?”
“We were out hunting. There are about 20 men left. All the elderly, women and the children are dead.”
“Are you able to see the leader of these soldiers?”
“Yes, he looks almost empty inside. He’s got a helmet with a yellow brim and he has a string attached under his chin. The helmet has been moved to cover his eyes. He’s got a sable.”
“Can you see how he dies?”
“He’s dying all alone. The war is over and he can’t carry what he has done anymore.”
“What happens to the place where your tribe was killed?”
“We decide to rebuild the village again as a memory of all the fallen ones.”
“What is the name of this place?”
“It’s a valley. It’s called Valley of Fate.”
“What happened to yourself as the Chief?”
“I died old.”
Following this session Mona was able to overlook her own inner battlefield. It now became clear that some of her problems could be contributed to her life as an Indian Chief. In her current life she was still carrying the Chiefs guilt, desperately trying to incorporate, lead and care for others. But along that course she was still punishing herself. Coincidentally her parent’s behaviour reinforced those feelings. By rejecting her they left her feeling unwanted by their own “little tribe”. It was a remarkable reminder of the hidden trauma, causing a repetitive pattern of anxiety and suffering.
Mona came back in mid February to see me for one last time.
“Do you know that I have found Yellow Wolf?”
“No. How did you find him?”
“It’s almost spooky. He’s got my nose and these wars happened exactly as I saw them. Yellow Wolf was well know, and there are several pictures of him on the internet. I just can’t believe that was me, but it does make sense. In fact I have always been attracted to Indian culture and behaviour. Now I realize that it’s not someone else that has been punishing me. I did it all to myself!”
Yellow Wolf himself has said:
“The whites call me Yellow Wolf, but I take that as a nick-name. My true name is different, and is after the Spirit which gave me promise of its power as a warrior. I am Heinmot Hihhih, which means White Thunder (or White Lightning). Yellow Wolf is not my own chosen name.
Mona is already now on her path back to inner healing and complete recovery. She can now put herself into context, forgive her parents and move on with her life. She is also much more able to express love towards her husband. Yellow Wolf has finally found peace and forgiveness!